Safeguarding the Compassionate Heart

Compassion is a beautiful quality of the human heart, to be touched by anothers joy and pain, to wish another person well. At times we might experience a feeling of alienation from others. But we also know what it feels like to be kind, loving, to wish each other well. To be able to forgive.

The ability and the natural wish to deeply connect with each other is precious. A jewel of humanity.

I am convinced there is nothing this world needs more urgently right now than an increase in compassion and love. The more of us there are in a society who are willing to keep their hearts and ears open to others, the better. And I believe that we humans, as the social beings we are, can only thrive if we keep our hearts open.

That said, compassion can also be misunderstood, which is why so many people working in helping professions or as activists experience overwhelm and exhaustion.

What I had to learn the hard way myself is that I can and have to take a break from looking for solutions of how to reduce other peoples suffering. Caring for somebody, whether they are strangers or people close to you, does not mean you have to suffer as well.

I had always thought having a ‘big ego’ means being overly self confident. What I had to learn is that an exaggerated ego can also show itself in other ways. It can also be the voice that says ‘My actions determine the well being of another person’, without taking into account the many other factors that are at work.

Of course it is right and good to have the intention and to act in ways which are hopefully beneficial to others.

But we must not forget to extend that compassion to ourselves. To listen deeply to ourselves and ask, as we would a good friend ‘How much of this can my heart and mind handle at this moment?’

And if the answer to that is ‘Not very much’, then this doesn’t mean we have to live as a hermit. We can still express our care for somebody else by assisting them. Offering kind words, offering a nice meal, offering a smile, offering our presence.

But by becoming more attuned to our own needs and our own capacities we can be of much better help to ourselves and others.

Compassion is beautiful – but we need to combine it with wisdom. With knowledge of ourselves, of how much we are able to cope with.

The heart is not a static thing. At times, it has great capacity to open up, to quiver with somebody. At other times, it needs protection so that we don’t overwhelm it. Caring for our own heart and mind is not selfish. The opposite is the case.

If we don’t listen to the signs that are telling us ‘enough for the moment’, then we loose our capacity to be truly present for others.

This is why compassion needs to go both ways for it to work, inside as well as outside.

We need to acknowledge the need of the heart to connect with others, to laugh and cry together with them and at the same time the necessity to keep the heart safe.

All of these needs can co-exist and can change several times even in one day. There’s nothing wrong with that at all. Rather than trying to become an ideal, which will inevitably exhaust us, can we see our human heart with all its complexities and ask the question ‘What does this situation need?’

Not only ‘What do I need?’, ‘What does the other person need?’ but ‘What does this situation need?’

I think this question combines compassion and wisdom.

May we find the wisdom to keep our heart safe.

And may we find the courage to keep our heart open.