Pleasure And Pain – A Reflection at Christmas

No matter what our religious background, Christmas is a time for many in our society when we are especially vulnerable to the exaggeration of pleasure and pain and the effect this has on us. Expectations can build up that things have to be ‘extraordinarily pleasurable’: a perfectly decorated house, the harmonious getting together of family, and the aspect of presents. These expectations are rarely fulfilled and often result in disappointment, frustration and contraction of the mind.

Christmas is the festival of love. Love does not grow easily out of pressure and contraction.

The following reflection is a reminder to relate lightly to pleasure and pain,so we don’t contract around them – especially not at Christmas.

Pleasure – I love being with you
But I don’t want to rely on your presence
So that when you leave
My mind is not disturbed by your absence.

I very much enjoy it when you’re here
But want to remember not to exaggerate your importance.
You will pass, pleasure. There’s no point clinging to you.

Pain – I want to look you straight in the eye
In order to understand you
And so dissolve your power over me.

Sometimes,if you’re too large
I distract myself
And so make you small enough to face.

I do not want to repeat the sentences in my head
Which give you more power
But turn to my heart
And embrace it
So it has space to grow large enough
To give you a home.

I want to acknowledge you when you’re here,
But want to remember, not to exaggerate your importance.
You will pass, pain. There’s no point contracting around you.

To hold pleasure and pain more lightly,
I need to remember that,
Which is bigger.

The nightsky.
Mountains, thousands of metres high.
Beautiful places of worship, built by believers over hundreds of years.
Deep silence.
The infectious laughter of a child.
The beauty of a snowflake
And the question “Why is it so beautiful?”.
The wonder which is the earth that carries me,
And the air that surrounds me.
The wonder which is the fact that I am alive to witness that, which is so much bigger than me.

Pleasure and pain, when you are present, you feel – and so are – relevant.
But you are so irrelevant at the same time.

My whole life is less than the blink of an eye for the universe. I do not want to spend this short life trying to maximise pleasure and to avoid pain.

I want to relax into the uncontrollable nature of things. I can’t choose the experiences I have. What I can choose is how I relate to them.

I choose to ease my grip today.

May we all experience a light hearted, joyful Christmas. May we all remember what really matters.